Wow. It’s 2019. I can’t believe it.

At times it felt like 2018 went at a snail’s pace, but as I look back I’ve come to realize it went as quick as a blink of an eye. 2018 was such an amazing albeit crazy year. I celebrated my one year wedding anniversary, then quickly after found out I was pregnant, became a finalist for the New Visions Award, had a baby, and then adjusted to motherhood. I’m not sure if 2019 will top that, but I am hoping it will.

As we enter the new year, I’ve thought a lot about what I wanted to focus on this year and how to accomplish it while balancing motherhood. Before having a child, I thought I didn’t have enough hours in a day to do the things I wanted. Now that I have a baby, I realized that I had all the time in the world. Why did I squander it? Finding time in the day when another human being relies on you for everything and you are at the whim of their sleeping and feeding schedule makes you see the value of time and also the little things you took for granted. Like taking a leisure shower, making yourself a nice meal, having an organized and clean house, enjoying a glass of wine, or going to the movies. It’s a whole new life when you become a parent, and you become essentially a whole new person.

But even though life changes completely, the essence of who you are does not.

For me, it always goes back to writing. That deep and almost painful yearning to wrestle a manuscript into a gratifying story. The process, however, is far from gratifying. It’s hard. Some days I feel like I’ll never make it. Some days I feel like I suck. Some days I feel like the words are always out of reach and that I have no talent or skill. But the more I stay away from writing, the more guilty I feel for neglecting it because it feels as if I’m starving my soul. The small fleeting moments of clarity and rush of adrenaline when the story’s heart beats against my own though, always gets me to come back.

And in 2019, I still keep coming back.

This year, I’m going to finish my current revision and finally put the story I’ve been working on and off for years to rest.

This year, I’m going to finish that half written draft I had put aside in 2018.

This year, I’m going to write, revise, and hope for the best that maybe this will be the year that I get closer to the dream.

Hello Motherhood

After an almost 14 hour labor from my water breaking to my son’s arrival, I’ve officially entered into Motherhood! Despite the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and the constant breastfeeding, I’ve never been happier.

It’s funny. I never considered myself maternal at all. Kids are cool and all, but I always thought I could do with or without them. In fact, one of my worries during pregnancy was the fear of losing a part of myself by devoting such a huge portion of my time to someone else. Now, that I have Micah, I can’t imagine him not being in my life. I can’t imagine not wanting to be with him every minute of the day. The love between mother and child really can’t be explained. It’s like finding your life partner or soul mate. It changes everything. The way you feel, the way you see the world. Just. Everything. It makes me see my own mother as well as all moms in a whole new light.

Right now, I’m still adjusting to our new addition to our family and my new role, but just like my son is his own person, I am reminded that so am I. True, I am a mom now, and as much as I love it, it’s not all I am. Once I find my rhythm, I look forward to going back to writing and revising. Still chasing that dream and leading by example so that my son never gives up on anything he deems worthwhile.

So, anyway, that’s where I’ve been lately. Still here, alive and well, watching my son grow as I think about all the stories I want to read and write for him.

Celebrating Baby

The past few months have been a whirlwind for me, but despite it, a good amount of time was carved out to celebrate the arrival of baby. First, on the agenda was a babymoon! Michael and I never really went on a honeymoon, so I really wanted to go on some kind of trip before the baby came. It didn't have to be a big trip, just something for the two of us to getaway since most of our trips this year was dedicated to visiting family. We ended up taking a weekend getaway to charming little Victoria, BC in July and I am so glad we did. It was nice to simply bask in the glow of our marriage and the new family we were creating. It was a fun weekend of garden, butterflies, food, museums, and walking about the water.

August called for our last trip to California to visit family. Now that I was getting into the third trimester, I no longer felt comfortable flying anymore, nor did I want to fly after the baby when he was a newborn. So friends and family came together to throw us a memorable baby shower, making the trip back home that much sweeter.

September called for even more celebration, but this time with the Washington friends and family! This baby is so loved by everyone where ever we go. I can’t wait until he’s old enough for me to show him just how excited everyone was for him to arrive.

Before I knew it, it was October, and I found myself extremely anxious. Anxious to be done with pregnancy, and even more anxious to meet my son!